Actor, comedian, writer, and globe-trotting gourmand
All images by Dominic Marley
Editor Jimmy McIntosh sat down with actor, comedian, writer, and globe-trotting gourmand Allan “Seapa” Mustafa to pose the really important questions.
What was the first pub you got served in?
I'm half-Czech, so from 11 or 12 years old I was drinking in the Czech Republic – in the countryside they didn't give a shit. But over there, you just ask for ‘one’, because usually it's a pub that just has its own beer. So the first time I drank in an English pub I was playing it cool, leaning on the bar like, “yeah, I'll have one please mate.” And he was like, “one what? There's millions of beers.” I panicked and just pointed at a Guinness tap. And then I got this jet black fucking beer while all my mates had Stellas. It tasted like coffee, but I had to pretend I liked it.
In 2012, I bought you a jägerbomb in Bacchus in Kingston-upon-Thames on Christmas Eve. What was your favourite club growing up?
That's mental. I think I vaguely remember it. I guess the nearest built up place near me was Kingston, but all the clubs were shit. But what was important to me growing up was a club called Options, where Oceana is now. There was an under-18s night there during the proper garage era. You'd have people like Sparks and Kie, or Luck and Neat come down, and all the local rudeboys from the different estates would get together. They were my formative years.
What were you wearing back then?
I was there in a pistachio green Ben Sherman shirt and Versace lightning effect jeans, which weren't actually lightning effect – it was fake Versace from Tenerife, which my mum then put in the wash, and they came out with white lines on them from the washing powder.
What’s your skincare routine?
I use REN – a little serum, eye cream, and then a moisturiser. Then in the shower, obviously face wash every morning. I know I should be doing it morning and night. I've got a little night oil next to my bed, and when I remember, I'll put that on my face. To be honest it's only in the last two or three years that I learned about moisturiser.
At the end of People Just Do Nothing, Grindah moves to Essex – and isn’t happy about it. What’s your least favourite English county?
Well, there's an episode where we do a gig in Ipswich, which is based on a real life experience. It pains me to say because my mate is from Ipswich, but we did a gig there once and it was the worst gig we've ever done: hardly anyone in the crowd, people shouting at us, couldn't find the promoter all night, didn't pay us. So for that, I think it's got to be Suffolk.
What’s your go-to dish if you’re cooking to impress?
Dolma, which is Kurdish stuffed vine leaves and stuffed vegetables. But it's hot, not like the Turkish or Lebanese versions you get. There's lamb in it, and you flip the pot at the end so it all falls into this beautiful square shape of delicious dolma. It's the type of thing that only high-level aunties can do. But I can do it as well.
What’s your food hell?
Fish.
Who’s your favourite bloke?
Anthony Bourdain. He’s just someone that I've always seen as a kind of moral compass in creativity, which I think is very important in what I do. In this day and age there's so many different avenues you can take, but if you do it in your own voice and within your own parameters, I think you can always then be proud. That's what he was for me.
What’s your current favourite fragrance?
Louis Vuitton Ombre Nomade. You only need a couple of squirts of it and you're good.
What was your first lads’ holiday?
Well, the first one was Amsterdam with a couple of my mates from school and Hugo [Chegwin] just to go and blaze. But the more interesting answer is Thailand, when I was 24. Hugo’s mate Steve Stamp, who I’d never met, was away traveling for a year and was stopping off in Thailand for a month. Hugo was like, “fuck it – we’ve just got our uni loan, shall we go out there?” So we did, and me and Steve hit it off straight away – all our comedy was just so in sync; it was like we were soul mates, in a sense. That's where we started coming up with these characters for People Just Do Nothing.
And what’s your next holiday?
That would be a Taste Cadets holiday – all I can say is it’ll be somewhere in Eastern Europe.
Any weird fan experiences?
I guess the most negative one would have been, when I was out for a night out once.
This doesn't usually happen – usually everyone's really cool. But this guy was fucking wrecked, and he wanted a photo and all that. So I did it. But then he just kept tapping me on the shoulder. I was like, “allow it, man, you keep doing this.” Then he came up to me and flipped my hat off my head. And… that's where I'm going to end this story.
What does the rest of the year have in store for you?
A lot of stuff in the pipeline. I can't even talk about it. I know that’s shit for interviews, isn't it? But me and the boys from People Just Do Nothing have got a few ideas together that we’re going around pitching at the moment. And a few ideas outside of that as well.
Any last words?
Love you.
